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Questions to ask before moving in together
Moving in together goes more smoothly when you have talked about the practical things first. These fifteen questions come in five short conversations: home, daily life, money, space and the future. Each of you answers on your own before you talk. Take one conversation a night, not all five at once.
How do we use these questions?
- Answer apartEach of you writes your answers to one conversation’s three questions.
- TalkSwap, read, and talk for about 15 minutes.
- Decide one thingEnd each conversation with one small decision you both agree on.
Conversation 1: what do we want our home to be?
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01
What do you want our home to feel like?
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02
Which things do you each want to bring, and which can go?
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03
How do we decide on furniture and decor?
Conversation 2: what does daily life look like?
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04
What does a normal weekday look like for each of us?
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05
How do we want to split chores?
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06
What are your sleep and noise habits?
Conversation 3: how do we handle money?
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07
How do we want to split rent and bills?
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08
How do we feel about shared money and separate money?
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09
Is there anything about money you would like me to know before we sign?
Conversation 4: what about space and other people?
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10
How much time alone do you need at home?
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11
How do we feel about guests and family visiting?
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12
What would you like to keep just for yourself?
Conversation 5: what does moving in mean for the future?
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13
What does moving in mean to each of us?
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14
How long do we expect to stay here?
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15
What will we do if it is not working?
What should we decide before we sign?
| Topic | Decide before you sign | Can wait until after |
|---|---|---|
| The lease | Whose names are on it, and what happens if one of you moves out | Where the furniture goes |
| Rent and bills | How you split them and who pays what | A shared budget for extras |
| Chores | A first split you both agree to try | The perfect system |
| Guests and quiet hours | A few simple rules | Every edge case |
| The deposit | Who pays it and who gets it back | Nothing. Settle this first. |
Where does Eterna fit?
Eterna’s Records keeps agreements you make together, such as how you split the rent or your first chore plan. Eterna is an iPhone app, and Book 1 is free. For regular conversations after you move in, try the weekly check-in.
Frequently asked questions
When should a couple move in together?
There is no set time. Many couples wait until they have talked about money, space and the future, and both want it.
What should we talk about before moving in?
The practical things: who is on the lease, how you split rent and bills, how you share chores, how much time alone you each need, and what the move means to each of you.
What if we disagree about money?
Start by listening to how each of you thinks about it. Then agree a first split to try for a few months, with a date to look at it again.
Should we write down what we agree?
It helps. A short list of agreements, such as the rent split and the first chore plan, saves later arguments about who said what.
What if it does not work out?
Agree early what each of you would do. Knowing the plan in advance makes it easier to talk about if you ever need it.
Eterna does the hiding and the showing for you.
Your partner can’t see your answer until you’ve both answered. Then The Reveal shows them side by side.
