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Weekly couples check-in: 15 minutes, 10 questions
A weekly check-in is a short, regular talk where you look at the week behind you and the week ahead. This 15-minute format has three parts and ten questions. Each of you answers on your own first, then you compare. Pick one evening a week and keep it short.
How does a 15-minute check-in work?
- Set up (2 minutes)Same day, same time, phones away. Each of you takes a pen and paper.
- Answer apart (5 minutes)Write your answers to the ten questions on your own.
- Compare (8 minutes)Swap, read, and talk about what stands out.
What are the ten questions?
Looking back
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01
What was the best part of our week?
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02
What took more out of you than you expected?
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03
Was there a moment this week when you felt close to me?
Looking ahead
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04
What is the busiest day coming up, and how can I help?
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05
What is one thing you are looking forward to?
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06
Is there anything we should decide this week?
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07
What do you need more time for?
For each other
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08
What is one thing I did this week that you appreciated?
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09
Is there anything you would like me to know that has not come up?
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10
What is one small thing we could do this week just for us?
How do you keep it going?
- Keep it short. Stop at 15 minutes, even if you are enjoying it.
- Start with the good. The first question is about the best part of the week.
- Park the big topics. If something needs a long talk or a decision, write it down and set a time for it on another day.
- Skip without catching up. If you miss a week, start again the next one.
- Take turns choosing the place. A different spot can make it feel fresh.
If your weeks are packed, start with the smaller habits in How to stay connected when life is busy.
Where does Eterna fit?
A weekly check-in uses the same idea Eterna does: answer apart, then compare. If you would like the questions chosen for you, Eterna is an iPhone app with 2,500 of them, and Book 1 is free.
Frequently asked questions
How often should couples check in?
Weekly works for many couples because a week is long enough to have something to talk about and short enough to remember. If weekly feels like too much, try every two weeks and see how it goes.
What if we disagree during a check-in?
The check-in is for sharing, not for settling things. If something needs a decision or a longer talk, write it down and set a time for it.
Do we need to write the answers down?
No, but writing first helps each of you answer without being influenced by the other. Notes on a phone work too.
How long should a weekly check-in take?
About 15 minutes. A short, steady habit is easier to keep than a long one.
Can we do a check-in long distance?
Yes. Do it on a call, and write your answers in your own notes first.
Eterna does the hiding and the showing for you.
Your partner can’t see your answer until you’ve both answered. Then The Reveal shows them side by side.
