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New Year check-in for couples: 12 questions
A New Year check-in is a short conversation where you look back at the year you shared and decide what you want from the next. These twelve questions come in three parts: looking back, letting go and looking ahead. Each of you answers alone first, then you compare. A printable sheet is included.
How does the check-in work?
- Pick an eveningSomewhere calm, with nothing else planned and phones away.
- Answer apartEach of you writes your answers to the twelve questions, about 15 minutes.
- CompareSwap, read, and talk. Take turns going through each part.
What are the questions for looking back?
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01
What are you proudest of from this year?
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02
What was our best moment together?
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03
What was harder than you expected?
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04
What did we do well as a team?
What are the questions for letting go?
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05
What is one thing from this year you would like to leave behind?
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06
Is there something you would like us to stop worrying about?
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07
What is something you are ready to let go of?
What are the questions for looking ahead?
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08
What is one thing you want more of next year?
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09
What is one thing you would like us to do together?
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10
Is there a place you want to go, or something you want to try?
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11
What do you want to learn or build?
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12
What is one small habit we could start?
How do we turn the answers into a plan?
Keep it small. Choose one to three things from your answers, write them down, and set a date to look at them again, such as the first of April.
- Time together. One regular slot you protect, such as a weekly walk or a weekly check-in.
- Home. One thing you want to change or finish.
- Fun. One place or activity you want to try.
- Money. A date to talk about money together, rather than a target.
- Health. Something you want to do together, even if it is small.
Can I print the questions?
Yes. The sheet has all twelve, with space for each of your answers and a line for your plan.
Download the New Year sheet (PDF)One page, US Letter
Where does Eterna fit?
Eterna’s Records is a place to keep agreements you make together, such as a goal you both chose. Eterna is an iPhone app, and Book 1 is free.
Frequently asked questions
When should couples do a New Year check-in?
Any time between Christmas and mid-January works. The best time is a calm evening when nothing else is planned.
Do we need to make resolutions?
No. A check-in is about looking back and talking. If a goal comes out of it, keep it small and shared.
What if we want different things?
Differences are normal. Write both lists, look for what overlaps, and pick one thing from each of you.
How long does a New Year check-in take?
About 40 minutes, or two shorter evenings if you would rather not rush.
Can we do this when we are apart?
Yes. Answer on your own, then read your answers to each other on a call.
Eterna does the hiding and the showing for you.
Your partner can’t see your answer until you’ve both answered. Then The Reveal shows them side by side.
